pls proofread my essay

[edge]

Essay Prompt :What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is the room more important to you than other room? Use xpecific reasons and examples to support your opinion?

In my opinion, living room is the most important room in our house, It is more important to me than other rooms. The three pit can be very usefulit can show our hospitality, it can be very useful and represent the face of our house.
The first importance is that our decorated living-room can show our very hospitality to guests or strangers coming to our house. This benefit is meaningful. Some guests are significant to us, and receiving them warmly in a beautiful living-room makes them think that we are greeting them and we pay respects to them, They have the first good impressions about us. A living room which is not fully concerned will make stranger a sense that they are not welcomed by us.
Living room can be used for some other purposes. We can used it as dinning-room, or bed-room, or we can read books or play games here. Many household do not have enough space or money to have separated rooms for defferent purposes. Therefore, a living room with neccessary convenience is required for our daily life. For example, a table can be used as dinning-table, or used for learning, reading books. We can put many things into a wardrobe or safe located in living-room. Thus, if we equip our living room well enough, there is no need to use space which is so small as a separated room such as dinning room, bed room, and it sounds very economical.
Many houses have a living room looking outside through the main door. It means passers-by will see the living room as their first sight so that livingroom becomes the face of our house. Looking to "that face", people can imagine a little about the owners of the house. This fact emphasizes the importances of livingroom in our house.
Because of all above reasons, I think the livingroom is more important than other rooms. Up to now, I have not ever build a house but when I must do, I will make sure that I can use the living room in the most effective way.

thank you very much. Please consider the grammar, use of words or idiomatic expressions, use of sentences, developping the ideas, demonstrating of facilitate in English, and the cohesive of paragraphs and sentences ... Don't consider about the ideas, I means they may be exaggerate, or they may not in your opinion. I appreciate your frankness.



If you see any error on the above texts. Tell me. THANKS

[giotbuon]

Hi edge, welcome to our little forum. :D

There are different ways to correct your essay, but I tried to keep the corrections to a mininum, because I want it to still be YOUR essay. :D At first, I tried to do color-coded corrections, but that proved to be too complicated (I am not tech-savvy enough). So, below is the already corrected version. Hopefully, the other forum members can provide you with further suggestions.

In my opinion, out of all the rooms in the house, the living room is the most important one. The three-pit can be used to show our hospitality. In addition, it represents the face of our house.

A well-decorated living room can be a sign of hospitality to those visiting our house. Guests are important to us, by receiving them in a warmly manner in a beautifully-decorated living room, we want to show them that they are welcomed in our home. Furthermore, we like to make a good impression on our guests by being courteous. A living room that is not well kept will give guests a sense of uneasiness and that they are not important to us.

Besides being a place to greet visitors, the living room serves a number of other purposes. We can use it as a dining room, a bedroom, or as a place to read books or play games. Many families do not have enough space or money to have separated rooms for different purposes. Therefore, a living room with the necessary conveniences is required for our daily life. For example, a dining table can be used for dining, for learning, and for reading books. Also, we can put many things inside the drawers or safe located in the living room. Thus, if we furnish our living room properly, there would be no need to create separate rooms for the dining room and the bedroom. This is a very economical way to use space.

Many houses have a living room that looks outside through the main door. This means passersby can see it at first sight, and thus the living room becomes the face of the house. Looking at the "face," people can imagine a little about the owners of the house. This fact emphasizes the importance of the living room. Due to all of the above reasons, I think the living room is more important than any other rooms. I have not yet built a house, but when the time comes, I will make sure to use the living room in the most effective way.

May I ask what is a three-pit?

[edge]

I'm very sorry, it's my fault in typing : "the three pit" must be "the three primary reasons are : it can show .."

[giotbuon]

I'm very sorry, it's my fault in typing : "the three pit" must be "the three primary reasons are : it can show .."

Oh, that would change the meaning of your first paragraph quite significantly.

Here goes...

In my opinion, out of all the rooms in the house, the living room is the most important one. The three primary reasons include: (1) it can be used to show the owners' hospitality towards their guests, (2) it can be utilized in lieu of the bedroom or the dining room and (3) it represents the "face" of the house.

Are you required to include an introduction and a conclusion? I feel your introduction (if the above paragraph is considered as your introduction) is weak. When I write introductions, I try to include anecdotes or something witty that would catch the reader's attention.

[edge]

Great, giotbuon, in my opinion, catching attention from readers is the most important factor in the success of our essay. So would you mind writing your own introduction, how do you include anecdotes or something like that in your essay?
my writing skill is too weak, so I need help from all members in this forums. Thank you

[edge]

I appreciate your frankness in editing my essay.

May I ask you some questions about my own essay? Because you correct my essay so much (my writing skill is very bad, excessively bad, extremely bad), so I can't realize what my fault is, and I can't know whether my sentences are correct or not, about grammar, context ...
- What about the expression : "The first importance is that ... " , is it usually used in Writing or Speaking English ? or is it acceptable in English ?
- I wonder if this sentence is sensible/suitable/appropriate/acceptable/fitting (I don't know which word I should use, can you make any suggestion? Thanks) :
"The first importance is that our decorated living-room can show our very hospitality to guests or strangers coming to our house"
How should we use the word "show" : "show smth to sb", or "show sb smth"
- What about the word "respect" in paragraph 2. You do not use anything to mention the respect in the paragraph. Is this word appropriate for this context : "kính trọng đối với khách", do you have any suggestion about other words về "kính trọng" which fit for this context.
- I also wonder if the use of the word "concern" or "fully concern" is sensible, I mean "được quan tâm đúng mức"
- Is the expression "to see it as first sight" is correct in grammar and in context.
- What is the difference between "Because of" and "Due to" ?
- I see you eliminated the word "very" in the phrase "our very hospitality", is there any error on grammar here ?
I mean I want to emphasize it. As in emphasizing an action, we use auxilliary verb : "I hope you will be successful" ----> "I do hope you will be successful"
So, How about emphasizing the noun of an adjective (hospitality).

I think I have learned more invaluable expression from you so I want to repeat "Thank you" again.

[bschuess]

Hi Edge

Welcome to Viex. Where are you from? What level of school is this essay for? Just curious.

I agree with Giotbuon about a catchy introduction, but first I want to say your essay is well thought out. The structure is technically very good. You introduce your subject and summarize your three points well in the first paragraph. Then you have a paragraph explaining each point. The first sentence of each paragraph clearly states the topic of the paragraph. This is perfect form for an expository essay.

I think you might want to separate your concluding ideas from the third paragraph. Starting with "Due to....." this is a summing up and might serve as a concluding paragraph.

I'll be interested to see GB's idea for an introđuction too. Of course, humor or human interest are more personal than you expository points, so you'll have to match your own personality.

How about something like....."I like to eat and sleep as much as the next guy, but I still think the living room is the most important room in the house." or "No kitchen? We can get takeout food. No bedroom? I can sleep in class. No bathroom? Oh Please! In my opinion....."

Hey I didn't claim to be a creative writer! Good Luck Edge. Is your nick a U2 reference?

[bschuess]

Edge,

Let me comment on your grammar and spelling and try to answer your questions. GB did an excellent job retaining your basic ideas and structure and helping give you a more natural style. I will address your English directly.

FIRST PARAGRAPH

In my opinion, living room is the most important room in our house, It is more important to me than other rooms.

First, it should be "the living room" and "than the other rooms". English quite often uses an article "a" or "the" with a noun. This is a very common error for Vietnamese students of English.

Second, this is what we call a "run on" sentence. This means it is really two sentences that should be separated by a period, not a comma. But actually, the second part really just repeats the first part in meaning, so you should just leave it out. If the living room is the "most important room", then we already know it is more important to you.

Third, since the question asks about the most important room in "a house", not "your house", it might be better style not to personalize the essay to speak of "our house" rather than "a house". But this is just style, not grammar.

The three primary reasons are : it can showcan be very usefulit can show our hospitality, it can be very useful and represent the face of our house.

I know you had some typing problems with this sentence, but I think it shows that you have some difficulty with punctuation and sentence structure. GB showed you one excellent way to present this complicated sentence. Generally, if you start this sentence with the clause ending in a colon ':', the following 3 sentence segments should be separated by semi-colons ';'.

SECOND PARAGRAPH

- What about the expression : "The first importance is that ... " , is it usually used in Writing or Speaking English ? or is it acceptable in English ?

This expression is not common English usage. Such a paragraph might start with "First,", "Firstly,", or "In the first place," among other possibilities.


"The first importance is that our decorated living-room can show our very hospitality to guests or strangers coming to our house"
How should we use the word "show" : "show smth to sb", or "show sb smth"

Your use of "show" is acceptable grammar both ways that you show it above. GB's changes were more for style.

The use of the word "very" is not grammatically correct. I think you mean to use it to mean "great". "Hospitality" is a noun. "very" is an adverb. Adverbs modify or describe verbs or adjectives, but not nouns. "Very" cannot be used in every case a Vietnamese speaker uses "nhiều", but it is common to think of it that way. If you want to emphasize "hospitality" you could use adjectives like "strong" or "sincere" or "great". But "hospitality" doesn't need to be amplified.

The word "respects" is ok here, but your usage is not exactly correct. First, since you say "we are greeting them", you should probably use a parallel structure and say "we are paying them our respects" or maybe better "showing them respect".

They have the first good impressions about us.

This should be "They have a good first impression of us." "First impression" is a single concept and should not be split by the adjective. Also notice "impression" is not plural.

A living room which is not fully concerned will make stranger a sense that they are not welcomed by us.

- I also wonder if the use of the word "concern" or "fully concern" is sensible, I mean "được quan tâm đúng mức"

I wasn't sure what you meant by "concerned". If you meant "clean and neat", then GB gave you a better phrase "well kept". I think "feel" would be better than "sense". "will make stranger a sense that they are not welcomed by us." should read "will make a stranger feel that they are not welcome." "Welcomed by us" is not strictly wrong grammar, but it is not a normal usage.

You use the words "stranger" and "guest" interchangeably. In most of your cases, "guest" is more appropriate. "Stranger" carries a little sinister meaning with it. Once you invite a stranger into your home, they are a guest. Otherwise, they are probably a burglar :D

THIRD PARAGRAPH

Living room can be used for some other purposes.

"A living room"...don't forget the article.

As the first sentence in this paragraph, it needs a little more. You could say "Second," or you can say "A living room can also be used...". Such words provide a transition to the new paragraph.

Many household do not have enough space or money to have separated rooms for defferent purposes.

Either "household" or "family" is ok, but it should be plural, especially after "many".

Sorry edge and GB, I think "separate" not "separated" is correct.

We can put many things into a wardrobe or safe located in living-room.

"Wardrobe" is ok to use here, but "wardrobes" are a more common piece of furniture in VN than the US.

Again, "living room" needs an article, "the" in this case.

FOURTH PARAGRAPH


Many houses have a living room looking outside through the main door. It means passers-by will see the living room as their first sight so that livingroom becomes the face of our house.

I would again probably add a transitional word to begin this paragraph. For example, "Finally, many houses.....".

I don't mind your use of "their first sight". I would leave it alone, or replace "sight" with "view".

This fact emphasizes the importances of livingroom in our house.

"Importance" is never plural. Again "living room" needs an article "the" and if you want to keep your original sentence, say "in a house" rather than "in our house". The word "fact" is not necessary, but it is not strictly wrong. But a style which excludes unnecessary words is usually preferable.

Please don't feel bad about the number of corrections and suggestions. Your English was totally comprehensible. Both GB and I understood your points. Also, you tried to use complex grammar and structures rather than rely on very simple ideas. This is a great way to learn. You were brave to show it to us and ask for comments. Congratulations, you did a good job. I look forward to seeing more of you in this forum.

[nktvn]

Thanks edge for showing us your essay and GB and bschuess for your constructive corrections and comments.

[edge]

That's great, bschuess. Thank you for spending hours to typing your comments about my essay.
Your comments and corrections are invaluable to me, and I have learned very much.
Thank you again.

[bschuess]

Không có chi, edge. It wasn't really hours.

But you forgot to tell me the origin of your nick "edge"

[edge]

My nick "edge" is simply a common English word. I took the word "edge" in the word "EssayEdge", which is the name of a website : www.essayedge.com
Now, I think my use of "very hospitality" is grammatically correct.
"Very" is an adverb, but it is also an adjective. As an adjective, it means absolute, complete, plain, really, or right, correct ...
I want to emphasize "hospitality", so I think it is grammatically correct.
But in this case, I want to imply the greatness of the hospitality, not its absoluteness or perfection
so the use of "very" is not appropriate choice.Your choices of "Strong" or "Great" is still the better ones.

Please check for any error in the underlined sentence. I'm not sure about it. Thanks.

[bschuess]

Edge,

:oops: You are correct. "Very" can be an adjective in the way you mentioned. I overstated my case. But it is most common as an adverb to amplify adjectives and other adverbs. The adjective use is relatively rare.

But, you are a thorough student. Thanks for correcting me. I need to be more careful.

I get your nick. Do you also know the guitarist and keyboardist for the band U2? That's his nick too, but he doesn't spend much time on VIEX, so you are safe to keep your nick. :D

[edge]

Oh dear, I don't understand what you say.
I don't know what U2 is and that guitarist.
My nickname is simply from the name of that website.

[nktvn]

As an adjective, it means absolute, complete, plain, really, or right, correct ...
I want to emphasize "hospitality", so I think it is grammatically correct.
But in this case, I want to imply the greatness of the hospitality, not its absoluteness or perfection
so the use of "very" is not appropriate choice.Your choices of "Strong" or "Great" is still the better ones.


As an adjective, "very" is used for emphasis.

Those were her very words. (= her actual words)
That's the very thing I need. (= exactly that thing)
It happens at the very beginning of the book. (emphasis)
The very thought of drink made him feel sick. (emphasis)
He might be phoning her at this very moment. (emphasis)
(Source: Oxford Dictionary)

"very hospitality" sounds OK to me but it's probably safer to change it as bschuess suggested.

[nb]

Oh dear, I don't understand what you say.
I don't know what U2 is and that guitarist.
My nickname is simply from the name of that website.

U2 is a very very well-known musical group in the english-speaking world, and so he was saying that the name "edge" is used by one of the musicians from the group.